(photo by Lulu Wei)An update on my life of late is in order.
Most presently, I'm the winner of The Glamourai and Corvus Noir's Alice in Wonderland themed contest! I'd been curious to try fashion blogging for a while, and I felt really inspired by the contest's theme, so I asked my talented roommate Lulu if she would photograph me. I'm so proud of the results, and would like to try doing something like this regularly. I'd just have to get more comfortable being in front of the camera!
The comments/votes from the Glamourai's readers were so supportive and wonderful, and the competition was so stiff! I really wasn't expecting to actually win – I was just happy enough to place – so it was a wonderful surprise. AND, I've been wanting a pocketwatch necklace for years now, and the prize (a reworked vintage piece) is PERFECT. I wanted it anyway. I'll have to make sure to style it up well and document the evidence.
So thank you, everyone who voted for me. You'll never know how much it means.
It feels like this is just another step lately that's been guiding me in a positive direction. After the one-two hit of Up in the Air on Sunday night with my guy and Lemonade with my BFF on Monday, I really feel renewed in my sense of figuring out what it is that I need out of a job right now. No, I don't need to figure out whatwillmakemehappyforeverandever, but I do need to find something that suits my strengths better, that utilizes my inquisitive side and that actually allows for real creativity. I've been spending too much time in shoes that are too small.
No, I did not finish NaNoWriMo. I made it to just shy of 10,000 words, which is a fifth of the way. But hey! For someone who has been feeling the weight of the blank page for too long, that's pretty good! No, the product isn't great (or anywhere near that), and yes, it's likely being shelved entirely, but it was an interesting exercise, and I learned a few things. Namely:
All in all, it was a positive experience, and I'm going to attempt it again next year. Or perhaps this year. I don't need to do it in November. Anyway, we'll see.
I'd been feeling a little anxious for a while, tired and evasive and quiet, and I'd been trying to figure out why, because in my personal life, everything's been so wonderful. And I've finally decided I'm tired of feeling ashamed that I'm not reaching my full potential. I'm with someone ambitious, driven, and brilliantly talented, and while I love that about him, that can be hard on me as I'm someone who tends to unconsciously compare. Why do I not feel the drive to do that? Why can I not seem to find direction? How could someone like him find me and my unfulfilled life attractive? So for practice, this week I've stopped doing that – and so far, it feels wonderful.
How can I expect that I'll get back up if I keep cutting myself down? And how can I start anything if I'm already expecting I'll fail? Yes, my projects may be smaller in scale and less impressive, but I'm capable of much more than I attempt. Hell, on one somewhat lazy Saturday morning, I was able to make something beautiful, be someone beautiful, and inspire the support of perfect strangers.
So fuck this self-consciousness. I'm making jokes that fall flat, awkwardly making small talk, and opening up, not just with him and those close to me, but with everyone.
For a change, I'm pressing play.
Most presently, I'm the winner of The Glamourai and Corvus Noir's Alice in Wonderland themed contest! I'd been curious to try fashion blogging for a while, and I felt really inspired by the contest's theme, so I asked my talented roommate Lulu if she would photograph me. I'm so proud of the results, and would like to try doing something like this regularly. I'd just have to get more comfortable being in front of the camera!
The comments/votes from the Glamourai's readers were so supportive and wonderful, and the competition was so stiff! I really wasn't expecting to actually win – I was just happy enough to place – so it was a wonderful surprise. AND, I've been wanting a pocketwatch necklace for years now, and the prize (a reworked vintage piece) is PERFECT. I wanted it anyway. I'll have to make sure to style it up well and document the evidence.
So thank you, everyone who voted for me. You'll never know how much it means.
It feels like this is just another step lately that's been guiding me in a positive direction. After the one-two hit of Up in the Air on Sunday night with my guy and Lemonade with my BFF on Monday, I really feel renewed in my sense of figuring out what it is that I need out of a job right now. No, I don't need to figure out whatwillmakemehappyforeverandever, but I do need to find something that suits my strengths better, that utilizes my inquisitive side and that actually allows for real creativity. I've been spending too much time in shoes that are too small.
No, I did not finish NaNoWriMo. I made it to just shy of 10,000 words, which is a fifth of the way. But hey! For someone who has been feeling the weight of the blank page for too long, that's pretty good! No, the product isn't great (or anywhere near that), and yes, it's likely being shelved entirely, but it was an interesting exercise, and I learned a few things. Namely:
1. Do not attempt to write a novel in a month and begin a new relationship. Both require lots of time and nesting.
2. Read more as I write. The tight deadline didn't allow for any reading time, which is an area I'm supposed to be nurturing anyway. After writing lean prose and reading news sites and blogs all day, I need something with a bit of poetry to get my cogs moving as they should.
3. I may be allergic to deadlines, but I need to schedule in more writing time. It's worth it.
4. Have a better idea of a story, characters, ANYTHING before entering the arena.
5. I may not feel imaginative all the time, but damn, I can spin an excuse like no other.
6. Yes, I am capable of quieting that crazy-editor side of my brain, if only for 15 minute increments.
2. Read more as I write. The tight deadline didn't allow for any reading time, which is an area I'm supposed to be nurturing anyway. After writing lean prose and reading news sites and blogs all day, I need something with a bit of poetry to get my cogs moving as they should.
3. I may be allergic to deadlines, but I need to schedule in more writing time. It's worth it.
4. Have a better idea of a story, characters, ANYTHING before entering the arena.
5. I may not feel imaginative all the time, but damn, I can spin an excuse like no other.
6. Yes, I am capable of quieting that crazy-editor side of my brain, if only for 15 minute increments.
All in all, it was a positive experience, and I'm going to attempt it again next year. Or perhaps this year. I don't need to do it in November. Anyway, we'll see.
I'd been feeling a little anxious for a while, tired and evasive and quiet, and I'd been trying to figure out why, because in my personal life, everything's been so wonderful. And I've finally decided I'm tired of feeling ashamed that I'm not reaching my full potential. I'm with someone ambitious, driven, and brilliantly talented, and while I love that about him, that can be hard on me as I'm someone who tends to unconsciously compare. Why do I not feel the drive to do that? Why can I not seem to find direction? How could someone like him find me and my unfulfilled life attractive? So for practice, this week I've stopped doing that – and so far, it feels wonderful.
How can I expect that I'll get back up if I keep cutting myself down? And how can I start anything if I'm already expecting I'll fail? Yes, my projects may be smaller in scale and less impressive, but I'm capable of much more than I attempt. Hell, on one somewhat lazy Saturday morning, I was able to make something beautiful, be someone beautiful, and inspire the support of perfect strangers.
So fuck this self-consciousness. I'm making jokes that fall flat, awkwardly making small talk, and opening up, not just with him and those close to me, but with everyone.
For a change, I'm pressing play.
1 comment:
congratulations. You are the best really.
love your concept.
I am Denise Katipunera
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